How do you feel about your body?  Do you wish your stomach were flatter or your arms more toned?  Most of us, unfortunately, have been socialized to have a negative body image.  We compare our bodies to standards that are often unattainable (think air-brushed, model-thin physiques).  This time of year is notorious for arousing dislike for our bodies, as the season demands our clothing provide less coverage—shorts, sleeveless tops— and bikini season arrives.

This summer, try something new:  accept your body the way is.

As summer approaches, many of us will set unreasonable weight-loss goals and begin to diet, exercise, and engage in rapid—sometimes dangerous—methods to shape up.  However, the reality is that most diets fail.  People gain back the weight—and then some.

It is difficult to change radically your exercise routine and see results in such a short period of time.  Sensible eating and regular exercise programs are year-long, life-long commitments, and while it is never too late to start, people need to understand that crash courses simply do not work.  Fighting the clock typically ends up backfiring, if not immediately, then certainly when we loosen the reins. 

Rather than setting yourself up for disappointment, try something healthier and more long-lasting: radically change how you feel about your body. Improving body image is not about losing weight or toning up, but about learning how to accept your body the way it is. Working toward enhanced body image is associated with less anxiety and depression and greater self-esteem.

If you catch yourself thinking negative body thoughts, ask yourself, “How is this thought serving me right now?”  Usually, the only role such thoughts serve is to cause us to feel bad about ourselves, which does nothing to improve the way we look.  Even more, this can backfire, ironically, as those of us who eat emotionally may seek comfort in overeating. 

Remember the old childhood adage, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all”?  This is true for the way you think about your body.  When you notice a negative thought creeping in, challenge this, reminding yourself that this is not a useful thought and move on mentally to something that is more productive.

Below are some tips I share with my patients for body acceptance, as summer rolls around—and for many people, all year long:

• If you do not have summer clothing/swimwear you like, take some time to find a few pieces that you find comfortable and that flatter your physique.  Often, it is worth it to spend a few extra dollars on something you like.  When swimsuit shopping, look for material that does not pinch, coordinating separates (if necessary of different sizes, as many of us have different sized tops and bottoms), and the ability to layer (a sarong over a suit for varying degrees of body comfort).  As you try on bathing suits, picture yourself wearing the suit sunning by the pool or swimming through ocean waves. This is a more positive (and useful) endeavor than staring at yourself in the suit and picking out your flaws. Is it comfortable?  Does it provide support?  Do you like the pattern/colors?  Will you really wear it?  If you are uncomfortable in your suit, you are not going to feel comfortable in your body.
• Recognize that your body is just one aspect of your appearance, and your appearance just one aspect of yourself.  Focus on all the other traits that make you who you are.  Are you bright, resourceful, a loyal friend?  Honest, empathic, hard-working?  Your personality stays constant despite fluctuates in weight and shape.
• Identify what you like about your body. See if you can find 10 things you like about how you look (for example, the sparkle in your eyes, the strength of your calves, your hair). Write them down and post this list in a place that is readily visible to you and recite the list aloud each day.  Continue to add to the list as you identify more features you enjoy.
• Practice mirror exposure:  Stand in front of the mirror (first clothed, then, for the more advanced, naked) and take a few deep, cleansing breaths.  Begin to gaze at the parts of your body you like.  Relax your body and think positive thoughts.  Once you accomplish this you can move on to body parts which you like less.  Focus on relaxing and avoiding negative thoughts. “My arms look fat” is a negative thought. “Here, the angle of my legs increases” is less judgmental.  The goal is to engage only in non-judgmental statements about your body. If negative thoughts creep in, identify them and try to take some deep breaths and relax again.  If the negative thoughts persist, step away, and try again another time.
• Focus on what your body can do, rather than on how it looks. Too often, we pay attention to how our bodies appear, rather than what they allow us to do. Can your body dance or swim?  Can you build sandcastles at the beach with your kids?  Does your body allow you to enjoy a hot bath or intimacy with a partner? Does your body transport you down the block or up a mountain?  Began sensing and moving your body, rather than thinking about it.
• The more you focus on what your body can do, rather than how it looks, the more you’ll enjoy yourself (and your summer!), and the better your body image will be, which can reduce the incidence of disordered eating and improve mood and self-esteem.

Dr. Stacey Rosenfeld is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City.  She is affiliated with Columbia University Medical Center and is the Chief Psychologist for the New York City Triathlon. She specializes in the treatment of eating disorders, addictions, anxiety/depression, and sports psychology, and is also a certified personal trainer. Dr. Rosenfeld has been interviewed by dozens of media outlets including: The Today Show, Dr. Oz, ABC News, Better TV, Runner’s World, The New York Times, msn.com, Fitness, In Touch, Life & Style, Woman’s Day, and more.  For more information or to schedule an appointment, please visit www.staceyrosenfeld.com.